Friday, August 28, 2009

Letter to a friend

Well, I am on journey, and I have been in my desert place. It took almost three months before I realized it. God asked me one day "was I crying because I was with Him?" So I stopped crying - as much. I ran out of money, could not get any job- teaching, church, any other job, could not get any extra classes to teach. I spent over 300 dollars just sending out resumes. Then the Lord showed me to get still, He was the one movng me through this. Every time I got still someone would tell me about the perfect job for me and i would binge hunt again, for 8 hours a day I would apply.

Lost my house, my car, but kept my sanity. I have never been here before. I have worked two part-time jobs here but now they are done. I have been angry that creeps that cheat and lie and steal are progressing and I am like this. Then I began to understand - to hold on, be still and listen. This being still -I teach and preach about it, but it is rough. And I know that when I come out I will be so different. I am different now. I have some applications in in many places.

I have learned that this is really not about me, that I will survive, that I can rely on no one else but God. I am at my sister's house and that is hard- I have been on my on as long as I have been grown. But God. But God. So that is the reader's digest version. It has been a journey into that desert place that I never wanted to go. I marvel at the spiritual writers that went there but I wanted to 'be good' so that I didn't have to go there. I saw it as a strengthening but I understood it as a punishment. Oh but I have been so wrong. It is a remaking, repotting, rejuvenating, refreshing of the spirit in order to take the next leg of the journey. Wow, as my former pastor, the late F.G. Sampson would say, "Wake up and write that down." So I have better write what I just shared in my journal. Let's keep in touch. Take care dear heart. It is difficult but doable. We really must take our eyes from things seen to things unseen.

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