Have you recognized how 'things' come at you when you are trying to walk in a more peaceful, contemplative walk with God? They just seem to bombard you and giving up and giving in appears to be an option. It is not an option.
On this day of that week Judas conspired to hand Jesus over for 30 pieces of silver (Matthew 26:14). This day in Holy week has been called "Spy Wednesday." But there was another happening - one of love and adoration for Jesus at the Bethany home of Simon the Leper. The Mary (John 11:2) with her alabaster jar of perfume poured it on Jesus' head while he was reclining with the disciples. Jesus said wherever the gospel is preached what that Mary did will be told (Matthew 26:6-13).
Ponder the two actions: the betrayal of Judas or the adoration of Mary. Where are you? Are you betraying Jesus by your words? your thoughts? your deeds? Or are your actions of praise, adoration, love of what you have received from Jesus? Just asking. You have received your freedom - freedom from those lies, those dysfunctional behaviours that you thought you could not let go of. Jesus freed you.
Judas? Mary? You? Where are you? Walk it out as Holy Spirit guides you. You can. This is your moment. enough for now.